Today was super. The kids both went to their various sports camps, I worked out, had my back adjusted (Thank you Dr. Rankin), ran errands, made 30 jars of jam, ate dinner with my boys plus the Kite family, played in the pool with 2 of my girlfriends, tried 5 times to get into a floating chair, laughed, cried, and then I realized….It is my mother’s birthday. 
Kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. Every year about this time, I begin to think of my last moments with Mom. Normally ,I am really depressed for about a week. You see, Mom died 7 days after her birthday 7 years ago. Even though it has been 7 years, I can honestly tell you the pain is so much better now. Time truly has healed my wounds. I no longer have that nagging heaviness of my heart every moment of the day. But don’t get me wrong, I do think of her everyday. I believe this will be the case forever. When I think of what I am “missing”.
When I think of what I am “missing” from not having Mom it is really quite simple. I just sometimes want my Mommy. I want to be someones child again. I want the unconditional love that only a mother can show a child. I want her to tell me it is all right even when I screw it up royally. I crave her advice on raising my children. Her wisdom when I am sick (she was a nurse). I wish with all of my heart that she could sit next to me at the kids sports. You see, she would have been the Grandma with the giant mum wearing the obnoxious shirt that said “Jack or Caytie this or that”…Now I do not want to be a Debbie Downer…because here is the blessing I was given late tonight.
It happened like this: Caytie came bouncing through the door tonight at 9:30 all happy and full of stories from the OU Women’s Basketball Camp. She was carrying a note from Coach Sherry Coale. Inside the note, it gave me a few scriptures and an inspirational passage she recently taught at a women’s retreat earlier this month. You see, I am new to reading the bible and was very touched by Coach Coale’s talk and had been in search of these passages for a while. So, in passing I asked her about them Sunday afternoon at check in. She graciously said she would get them to me. First of all, I appreciate her thinking of me during this very busy time. Coach Coale is after all running a huge girls basketball camp, recruiting and goodness knows all the other things that are on her plate right now since she is also a wife and mother. However busy she may be, Coach Coale took the time to research what she said over a month ago and then copied them down for me. As if that was not enough, she did not send it via email but hand write it and then made sure Caytie brought it home to me. That small note made my heart smile. Originally, I had requested these passages for my son but tonight they were meant for me. Speaking words I craved to hear. I will forever remember the kindness of Coach Coale! She will probably never know what that small gesture meant to me but I will never forget! Now I want to share with you the message! It is an inspirational reading you can read when you are feeling down and need a pick me up. Similar to the type a mother would give to her child. Or my mom would have said to me!
Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.
I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.
I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble. I will get up. It’s OK to fail; I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.
I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five QUALITY minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children and friends.
Today I will make a difference. (From On the Anvil by Max Lucado)
Thanks so much for sharing these wonderfully inspiring words. I hope this week treats you well!
Caryn, this was wonderfully inspirational to me. My mother passed away almost a year and a half ago and I struggle each day with the same thoughts you do. I talked to my mom almost every day on the phone, I miss that. I miss her advice, wisdom, and most of all, love. I am slowly learning not to be a slave to the past, and try to live in the moment. It’s an everyday struggle for me though! I enjoy your recipes and words of encouragement, and you ARE making a difference. Hugs 🙂
Caryn,
You summarized what I’ve been trying to for the almost three years without my mother. Well said! I’m glad Coach Coale was there for you thru her words! She is a wonderful lady! Thanks for sharing with the rest of us.