My mom, Frances Walker, passed away over 10 years ago. There is not a Mother’s Day since that I do not ache for her. However, I have learned to pull up my big girl panties and be the Mom my Momma would have wanted me to be. So in these times when I am filled with sadness, I can still hear her words so clearly. They comfort me. She would say, “Do not be sad. I am right where I want to be. So get on with it Caryn…” So, that is what I am trying to do. These little “whispers” from my Mom seem to come from her “sayings” and even her actions when she was here. So, if I could be granted one more visit with my Mom, I would like to tell her how right she was about so many things. Who was I to question greatness? Well, I did and now the laugh is on me. Here are the 10 things I would tell Mom she was 100% right about…
Mom you were RIGHT:
1. Yes, I am “busier than a one legged cranberry merchant in an ass kicking contest.” (This was her favorite saying when she got really busy) I don’t know if Mom was friends with many cranberry merchants… However, being a Mom is all about juggling. Can you clean the house, run a lunch to school at a drop of a hat, and then get home in time for the cable repair guy all while working on a craft project? Well, it can be done! It is not sexy. You are left falling into bed at 9pm feeling like you have been hit by a MAC truck. But you did it!
2. You were right about not being a short order cook! Thank you so much for telling me to make one meal only for my family. Offer it up and then allow my kiddos to either eat or not. Never a meal passes that I don’t thank you for this small blessing. Priceless!
3. Don’t ever put down the Pom Poms. Wow..I never realized how much mothering meant being my family’s cheerleader. You were the best at encouraging us through tough times. Defending us when we were wronged. But always being there to pick us up when we did really stupid stuff. Like getting drunk at the Homecoming game and getting escorted out by the police….not a shining moment in my life! But you were there to make sure I learned my lesson – grounded for 3 months (with no reprieve) from tv and the phone. You were also the one to defend me to the school when I was sent to ISS (in school suspension). I can still remember sitting in the vice principal’s office as he called you on speaker phone to tell you I was laughing about “Uranus” in class. You quickly responded with a laugh and said “I would be laughing too if they were talking about my anus in class!”
4. Model homes are for Barbie. I saw early on when you and Dad were married, that living with so many rules and covered furniture was anything but as perfect as it looked. The furniture underneath all of those covers was perfect. However living life with covers on was just a lie. You told me to let my kids live in the home. Luckily my home is very “lived in” complete with jelly stains in carpet and blemishes on the walls. The good news is that no one is hurt, sick or in therapy over the less than a perfect house. The bad news is that my toaster will not last into the next millennium.
5. Being your “own woman” is important. I appreciate watching you take the risk of going back to school when I was in middle school. That had to be so scary for you. I admire that you stopped sitting on your biscuit never gonna risk it and went for it. My life changed dramatically when I was 39 and without seeing you do it I doubt if I would had the courage to try changing my life at an older age.
6. Do you want to be remembered for your resume? Mom used to tell me this all the time. She told me that when I get to Heaven, God will not ask me for my resume. He will ask, “what did you do with the blessings I gave you.” This has really spoken to me all of these years. Especially after your death. I try to live my life being a kind person. Someone mindful of the needs of others. I am not living for my resume but living for my eulogy. Sounds a little morbid but the truth is that a resume is about your JOB. What have you done with those you love? Have you used every second on this planet loving others? Mom, really did not like selfish people. So she taught us, girls, to love others…
7. Pick your battles. This one lesson is an everyday occurrence at my house. I am constantly trying not to nag Caytie on what or what not to wear. Though I want to say so many inappropriate things I just think to myself, “How big a deal is this in the grand scheme of things?” Well, it is not. Sure, Caytie can go to school in mini shorts, silver flats with hot pink Under Armour socks and some sort of ridiculous shirt plus bunny ears as a headband! Though I am screaming inside, I just let her go….knowing you have to be laughing upstairs.
8. Don’t squash their spirit. Mom, you were the best at that. I loved that you let me just go TRY things. You really liked the school of hard knocks and believed that I would learn better that way. Well, your right. I learned. Not always sexy the way I learned but the lesson was loud and clear. You let me cook, craft, dance, write and do whatever I wanted to try. Your only rule was to be safe. So, I am trying to keep my kids fences open so they can soar. My dreams are not their dreams. So, I am trying to let those personalities lead them….not a lot of fun sometimes. But, look where I am now. Had you not let me cook and grocery shop every Saturday….I might not be doing this right now!
9. Love is not wrong. I appreciate your open mindedness growing up. You used to tell me that growing up in California you were not exposed to all of the prejudices of the 60’s. You grew up in a town with all kinds of ethnicities and cultures. I can still remember asking you if it was “ok” to be friends with this person or that person. You simply told me to love them for them and just go on. Love is never wrong! God did not make any mistakes so embrace everyone and their spirit. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me to be a non-prejudiced person.
10. In marriage remember to be friends…the rest will fall in line if you do that everyday. Wow…that is the best thing you taught me! Jack and I will be married 23 years this August. I love him more than the day we said. “I do.” I contribute that to our friendship. I don’t always “like” his actions but in the end I am his friend. I will be there for the good, the bad and the not so sexy. By nurturing this part of our relationship, the rest has come much easier. I appreciate you telling me this early on. Not to lose sight of the man I married. I am very mindful to take care of this very precious gift!
This list of 10 are just a few things you were right about. Most of all thank you for being the best mother a girl could ever have. Now I continue your legacy by keeping an open door policy with Jack and Caytie. I want them to look up one day and say, “Wow, mom was right!” Until then I will just try to listen everyday to my “inner” mommy.
In honor of Mother’s Day…What was your Mom right about? Any advice she gave you that was “spot on”?